Stage Fright: Lady Gaga To Star In ‘Aliens: The Musical’

In space, no one can hear you sing!

This just in: Lady Gaga is all set to appear as Lieutenant Ellen Ripley in Aliens: The Musical, the latest screen-to-stage adaptation on its way to Broadway.

It was the film’s director, James Cameron, who first thought the next logical step for this story would be toward the Great White Way.

“After spending so much time and money on the 3D technology for Avatar, I realized: there’s a much easier, more natural way to present stories in three dimensions, and that is to just have actual people singing and dancing right in front of the audience.”

Fans of the 1986 blockbuster will recall that the story focuses on Ripley, the sole survivor of the first Alien movie, and a new crew of commandos battling a whole slew of the man-eating space beasties. Key to the story is her discovery of a young girl named Newt, as she becomes the child’s de facto guardian and protector.

Cameron went on to add: “Something about Ripley as the surrogate mother figure really called out for this story to be told via music and lyrics, instead of adapting Ridley’s film.” (Ridley Scott helmed the original Alien, which Cameron was not involved with.)When it came time to cast a star who could draw crowds to the decades-old story’s Broadway debut, director/choreographer Cason Bradshaw says the choice was obvious: Lady Gaga.“She’s already got kind of an out-there, space-vibe going,” Bradshaw said of the pop diva. “And if she were locked in a room with a face-hugging space creature that wanted to lay babies down her throat, well, you’re really not sure who would make it out alive, are ya?” he added with a chuckle. “In other words, she’s one fierce mama, and she knows how to draw a crowd.”

In the “Marry The Night” maven’s own words? “I thought my little monsters might like to see me take on some big motherf—ing monsters,” Gaga said. She plans to oversee her character’s costuming as well as the set design, promising theatergoers something they’ve never seen before.

“I want to make this show a must-see Event — please write that down with a capital E,” said Gaga. “I want poor families in Middle America saving up all year, starving their kids almost to f—ing death just so they can go to New York and see my show. The Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, and Lady Gaga as Ripley in Aliens: The F—ing Musical — those are the three things people are gonna have to see when they’re in my city.”Adds Bradshaw: “I think people will also get to see a new side to Lady Gaga, a maternal side, through her relationship with the Newt character. There won’t be a dry eye in the house when you hear [their duet] ‘They Mostly Come At Night (Mostly),’ I can promise you that.”

Acclaimed composer Alan Menken will collaborate with Gaga for the show’s music, which will include such numbers as “Tummy Ache,” “Requiem for Vasquez,” and “Squish.” In a Wicked-esque twist, the Alien Queen will also get her own tune to explain her side of things, titled “It Ain’t Easy Bein’ Queen.” Daphne Rubin-Vega has been mentioned for the role.Gaga says America should get ready for “Get Away From Her You Bitch!” to be the show’s breakout tune. “Showtunes will be Top 40 in 2013, baby, you better believe,” she stated. “Your grandma in Kansas is gonna know that f—ing track by heart. She’ll be rocking out in her rocking chair. She’s gonna want it played at her funeral.”

James Cameron will be penning the show’s book, adapting from his screenplay. He will also consult on the show’s many highly technical aspects, including the robotic suit Gaga will wear to recapture the film’s iconic climactic showdown between Ripley and the Queen.

“We’ll be recreating an anti-gravity look and feel in the theater,” Cameron promises. “We’re thinking the audience will wear space helmets, to ensure that they can breathe.”

“James Cameron is the f—ing master when it comes to pyrotechnics and stuff,” Gaga said of the man behind the two biggest films in cinema history. “He’s gonna blow every other musical out of the water. It’ll be like, Spider-Man who? F— Spider-Man! F— Bono! Gaga versus the f—ing Alien Queen. We could put that show on in Madison Square Garden.”

When asked if he has any other plans for the stage, Cameron says, “It’s unfortunate that they already made such a low-tech musical about the Titanic, because that really could have been something to see.” The box office titan has also approached Nathan Lane and Kristin Chenoweth about starring in a potential True Lies musical, but nothing is official yet.Aliens: The Musical is tentatively scheduled to open March 2013.

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