Dance With My Bitches: Paris Hilton // “Drunk Text”

Every once in awhile, a song comes along that defines a generation.

For my generation, Manufactured Superstars’ “Drunk Text” featuring Paris Hilton is that song.

Now, I’ve never been what you could call a “fan” of Paris Hilton, because that would imply she has ever done anything besides attend parties and open one eye slightly more than the other to be a fan of. Paris Hilton hails from that distant era of stardom, like, six or seven years ago, back when trashy tabloid stories about Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen felt somewhat novel and revelatory, instead of “the only way we still know anything about these people.”

Over the past few years, however, we’ve all realized we give, at most, half a fuck about any of their shenanigans, and Paris Hilton and her ilk more or less went off the radar for those of us who don’t subscribe to OK!. The nice thing about tabloids these days is that I can get all my entertainment news without ever having to hear about what a Kardashian is up to — there’s a whole special market for these “celebrities” that don’t actually do anything except appear in tabloids. Which might be why I haven’t heard much from Paris Hilton in awhile.Her one real attempt at contribution to society was the 2006 album Paris, which I never listened to in its entirety, but really wasn’t the train wreck you’d have thought it’d be. Some of it was actually kinda decent, and for a woman who became famous first and foremost for a sex tape, placing a song called “Screwed” on there was pretty crafty. I will give Paris Hilton this: she’s never taken herself very seriously, which is a relief — because neither have we. She’s always been in on the joke that she is the joke, and has never seemed to mind.

That is why the spoken-word “Drunk Text” gets away with being genius.

Yes, genius.

http://www.twitvid.com/embed.php?guid=JVAN4&autoplay=0

Okay, maybe not genius. But it’s campy and over-the-top in all the right ways, fully self-knowing in its trashiness while pretending to be dead-serious, and surprisingly catchy for a spoken-word song. There are numerous quotable lyrics, and I know so many twentysomethings for whom this could serve as a theme song. (Am I one of them? Maaaybe…)

And it’s unfortunate that the song is being yanked down because the video is not “finished” — I’m sorry, was this actually meant to be better than this? It’s a low-budget video about sexting featuring a tabloid heiress. It is perfectly fine as it is! Just let us have it, Manufactured Superstars! We want to dance with our bitches to it!

How can you not love a song that contains the line: “No one’s safe in the Twittersphere anymore”?

Thoughts?

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